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THEPOOHLVR
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Name: Windy
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: livin it up righteously
Expertise: running
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/5/2005
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| JUST figured it out! Right now I am having one of those low moments when I feel like crying and I have no idea why! I get these every now and and then and just put the puzzle together! These happen when I have been pushing my limit and seeing how much I can do with as little sleep possible! I push and push and then the body shuts down and goes into this awkward depression like state where I feel like crying my heart out and my heart beats heavy and I want so bad to be happy but the tingles never come! Its a pain in the butt! I woke up late I need to be serving in 30 min and I still need to shower and walk the 30 minutes to get there! I am shutting down right now inside! GOSH I hate it! Its like and emotional punch in the heart! Anyway had to get this down while it was still fresh or it wouldnt come out right! so time to hit the shower and get goin! till next time! \;;;/ | | |
| Wow it's been a bit of a while! My bad! There has been SO much happening! I got a second job that really is a dream come true and I love it so much it really is not a job at all! But right now I really need to get this down before the memory fades! The other night, Thursday June 16, 2011 I had the most amazing dream! See in October 26th, 2010 one of my dear friends from college passed away. She was a true sweetheart and anyone who had the privalege of meeting her instently loved her! She was genuine, passionate about all she did, caring, loving, just and all around kine person! She was like a big sister to all of us! Her name is Gana she came to Hawaii from Mongolia to further her education, but she did more than that! She helped us feel loved! I came to BYUH a scared freshmen with no friends out there on campus and feeling alone. I went to church that sunday and she welcomed me with open arms! From then on anytime she saw me she would take time to smile and say hello and see how I was doing! She made me feel like someone cared! She helped me become confident! She helped me find my smile again! She helped me know that I do matter! Well lately alot of crazy things have been happening and I haven't had much time to reflect on things, which is something I truly treasure! But Thursday night out of no where when I was sleeping, dear sweet Gana visited me in my dreams. She welcomed me with open arms and her beautiful smile! "Oh Windy! It is so good to see you!" she said genuinely! In the distance I saw other sisters from 19th ward looking at us with smiles and greeting Gana saying "Oh dear Gana we miss you so much!" This dream gave me the greatest feeling! It was like a reasurence that I am doing something right with my life! That this is where I am needed right now! I feel so blessed that Heavenly Father sent Gana in my life that first year of college and that now while I am starting a new part of my life with so many questions if this is where I need to be or if I should return to school he sends my dear sister back in my life for just a moment to let me know I have chosen the right path! Oh how wonderful it is to know that I have people watching over me on earth and in spirit! I might not be able to talk to Gana like I did in college but she is there in my heart ready for me at anytime! Heavenly Father is amazing and knows what I need most! Life is wonderful and I have no reason to not smile! well till next time! :) \;;;/ | | |
| Dang it! The school year is winding to an end, the roof leaked, the libraries unorganized, I'm unorganized, I'm unmotivated....GRRR! My motivation has disappeared again! It might be the lonely librarian syndrome getting to me or just the end of the school year stress sitting on me. Either way I don't feel like working >.< I'm supposed to go to an eagle court of honor tonight and it's for a friend who's like one of the rare good kids at my high school left, I honestly don't feel like going, there might even be a guy there who just might have taken me on a date and I still am not super stoked on going! I need to go running is what it is I think. I haven't in months! I mean yeah I went hiking last saturday and I DID run a bit of it but I haven't legitly ran in toooooo long! Tomorrow I'll go running! oh wait nope jus kidding my dad has to stay late at work which means we won't get home early enough since my parents think its a terrible thing for a person to go running alone at night. Mabye I can convince someone to go with...guess we'll see. Somethings up with my friends, I don't know what though, there's a weird feeling to us right now and I DONT like it! I'm anxious to see a really good friend on friday who I havent seen like in real life since january but it also means that we gonna be with a few other friends who I'm honestly not that thrilled about being around. Call me selfish but I want time with him and me only! but I'll be good and put on a smile cuz that's what I do best! put on this polite smile when I'd rather go hide in a corner! Yup don't mind this post it's yet jus another one of those "moods" but ugh guess I better eat so I don't die...well till next time \;;;/
ps-hopefully my next post is more cheerful! | | |
| There was this song by Hilary Duff I used to listen to when I was mabye in middle school, I don't remember the title, that had a line "in a moment everything can change.." or at least something like that. I know for a fact that there is a true statement. I have no idea why but I have these days where I feel alive! I feel compeletly happy! I feel satisfied with how things are. Then in a moment my whole mood changes! Like today, it was what we call Stake Conference for church, I was helping for the first time with interpreting it and I felt excited! I felt happy! I felt satisfied! I had my whole day set out, how everything was gonna go, when everything was gonna happen, everything! I felt prepared and ready to go! I got halfway through conference and I just idk i felt myself deflate almost. It was weird! Church always makes me feel refreshed and I'm not sure if it was things going through my head or jus being tired from interpreting ALOT more than I usually do or this itching feeling in the back of my head that plans arent gonna go as I thought, but i just felt empty. I enjoyed conference and I got some out of it, but i didnt feel like "OH MY GOSH that was the best!" Which deffiently bummed me especially since we had a visiting general authority visiting! It was my first time seeing one of my good friends in some 5 months and I couldn't find the energy to show how happy I was! I was gonna ask one of my friends for a ride home after our singles fireside tonight and had planned on finding him after church and chatting a bit, I ended up chatting with another friend and then when I had time to look for the guy, he was still there, I didn't have the motivation to do so. I felt frustrated, I felt too tired to navigate through the people to find him, I felt too tired to even bother with smiling much. It's really frustrating! I used to get like this and then the next day I could go running I would, or usually I can feel this emotional block coming and go running to get rid of it! But for I just didn't have the motivation yesterday. Yesterday was perfect! It was a beautiful day! I spent my morning around fun people! I was happy! I don't know why this happens but it sucks! I like being happy! Mabye I just need more sleep! Mabye its the changes happening that is freaking me out. Mabye its stress hitting me? I don't know. But really in a moment everything changes. oh well till next time...\;;;/ | | |
| sorry!!!!! ive been busy with work and church a TON lately! ok and jus a tad to lazy/tired at the end of the day to blog XD ANYWAY so last time i legit blogged i was ranting about not having someone take me on dates and blah blah blah hahahaha! wow i have NO idea why I was in that kine mood! BUT anyway so uhm theres this guy who just got back from his mission in my ward! and well we are kinda old friends kinda haha like we remember eachother from when he visited in the summer times back when we were awkward little kids haha! so when he first got home i thought he was well quite the looker and he seemed well like one of those guys youd take home to meet your family! and uhm well we FINALLY (after 3? weeks of not talking to him >.< i know right how ridiculous!) had a chance to reaquaint ourselfs with eachother after i did a HORRIBLE job at "showing my talent" at singles fhe >.< but apparently he thought i did really good! haha thank goodness he doesnt know sign language...yet! :) anyway so we had the perfect ice breaker right? haha and it led to lots of joking around and catching up and well that was on monday...tuesday he FOUND me on facebook and requested me :) yea i know, its jus fb no big deal but still he REMEMBERED my first AND last name! and he went through all the trouble to find me! :) anyyyyyywayyyyyyy so uhm i found myself commited to make him a list of "do not take this teacher" for college haha! and uhm then i asked him if he was going to some singles activities, see he live literally 2 min driving from my house and we thought we should start carpooling and he agreed and so he kinda offers to give me rides now :) so on friday i was bumming it at home watching americas funniest videos :) and seeing if anybody was online and what do you know! he was :) and he asked if i wanted a ride to some things coming up and i accepted and of course asked if he wanted gas money! he was a gentelmen and declined :) so then he does the "so what you up to?" kine thing and told him jus watching tv and he get this it was so cute! goes " Hey do you want to go grab like an ice cream or something. or is it to late." oh my gosh what a gentelman! now mind you this was at i think somewhere around 930pm! but he was jus so sweet! and we went to zippys and got some yummy sweets and chatted a bunch and found out more about eachother! and it was just a wonderful time :) and then today he drove me around and saved me from uhm unique people at a singles thing and ok get this he opens AND closes the car door for me! and he WALKS me to my door! :) his mamma raised him good! :) but anyway im tired and i have a busy day ahead of me :) including a young singles family home evening that hes takin me to! :) now no worries im not getting my hopes up! hes goin out to laie at the end of july and ill mabye be going on my mission a year after that so i dont see anyway that anything will happen! but im gonna enjoy this while its happening :) make good memories and not obsese on anything! :) well till next time! :) \;;;/ | | |
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